so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
