He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like eating out sand paper
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
