The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
