try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
