"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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