His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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