She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
