I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
