I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
