i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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