the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do vagina's smell?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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