it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I lost the right to judge tonight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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