two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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