Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
