Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
