dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
