i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
