Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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