don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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