he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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