"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
