Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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