She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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