Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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