You're completely useless in the revolution.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
