I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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