Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
