is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
