you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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