Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
