I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
