oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
