Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
