I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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