we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
