I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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