the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
