mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I died a long time ago.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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