Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
