Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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