His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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