You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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