I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
