We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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