Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
