There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
