Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
