Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
