I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
