I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
