she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
