i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
