for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
