I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
