So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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