hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
