I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
